Pitifully Self-Assertive

Until quite recently it was widely assumed that the experiences of the first Christians were still accessible and still being played out in our own time among those who were fervent enough. Modern consciousness was believed to be essentially the same as that of those who lived during the lifetime of Christ or immediately thereafter.

This has thankfully become proven false.

The first Christians thoroughly believed that they were people living at the end of time as they eagerly awaited the immanent return of Christ. Consequently, they were people who considered themselves to have been completely delivered from the fabricated needs and concerns of the self-scrutinizing.

For two thousand years these original concerns of historical Christianity have remained present as the church developed alternate perspectives. But while dependence on God alone is still a language that is spoken in churches, the consequences of adapting the message to the culture has created a radically changed consciousness for present day Christians as both individuals and communities. Mostly, Christian faith is now experienced statically and not dynamically. At first martyrdom, and then organized monasticism, and finally fully structured rationalism each became their own age’s reasoned responses to the inability and/or unwillingness of the masses to live moment by moment, in search of the actual presence of and interaction with the risen Christ. This further devolved through Reformation-structured literacy and then into the rise of spectacle in the church today. But none of it has anything to do with the reliability of the witness of the first Christians on God’s immanent calling to live simply, to live egalitarian, and to live in moment by moment dependence and expectation.

Even in the opening chapters of the Bible people exhibit pitiful dependence on self-observation and self-assertion in order to justify their egos. These two traits demonstrate just how utterly exiled humans can be not just from God, but from themselves; the plain presence of love is simply not there.

In this exile from both God and one’s true self we become oriented to seek God outside of ourselves. This quest for external happiness innately becomes a flight from God (our happiness), even when it takes place within the church. Understanding the crucifixion of Christ by looking at it only through the lens of atonement becomes a simple way for us to alleviate our guilt of justifying our ego-searching by more and more prominently forcing our own self-greed. This continues to alienate us from our need to accept that we would crucify Christ all over again today in response to his uncovering what we really are, in order to not be able to recognize our fabricated existence for how selfishly self-assertive that it is and that behind this there really is no real person, but only a shell of deception and lies.

cheap tin on the roof

vehicles rarely pass by

the orchard is quiet

birds nest in the surrounding woods

the well is deep and cold

there are wild fruits we can pick

hard stony fields the wife and I hoe